Zürich (or The Fellowship of CP the Phonebearer and Stevie the Brave)

The year 2003 of the 21:st century

Here follows the account of Stefan, High King of Oskarshamn, and the trip to Zürich.

Thursday

We (that is my good friend Cp (Christopher Petersson) and I) left by train from Kalmar in darkness and rain at 7 pm. Actually, our journey began in Oskarshamn about an hour earlier but that part was totally uninteresting so I won't say anything more about it. Maybe except that Cp slept most of the way. Yeah, I'll say that to.

Now we were on a quest. We had to return the one cellphone to the place where it was made (or at least to a place where they once made clocks). And while doing so we thought we'd have a few nice days away from all our problems back home (of which I stood for about 90%).

The train took about four hours to reach our first destination - Kastrup, the Copenhagen Airport. During this part of our journey we spent time reading books (5%) playing game boy and listening to music (30%) and the remaining 65% were spent on talking and staring out the window. We quite looked forward to the Zürich part of the trip but we feared what was about to come: 10 hours at night at Kastrup without anything to do.

Anyway, we arrived at Kastrup, cp got a trolley and was then almost run over by it in the conveyor belt so I had to take over from there on. We spent the night smoking, talking and, to a minor extent, sleeping. CP had no problem sleeping upright but I couldn't doze of until we laid down on a rock hard wooden bench. And they say it's good for your back. But eventually the ten hours had passed and we had checked in, eaten an expensive but bacon-free breakfast and were up in the air.

Friday

We landed in Zürich at about 11:30 and the great mountainous country greeted us with grey skies and pouring rain. The luggage claim went fine and we met our good friend and host Kristoffer in the arrival waitingroom. We hugged, cried and smoked. It was very emotional as we hadn't seen each others in almost two months.

When the smokes were out we bought a one-way train ticket from the airport to Adliswil which is the area of Zürich where Kristoffer is a nanny (though he prefers to call it au pair, as if that sounds less gay). At the central station (Hauptbanhof) we changed train and bought donuts that didn't taste as good as they looked. Eventually we reached our final destination.

Adliswil is a picturesque part of Zürich. It is surrounded by high mountains which are often covered in thick mist. Through the town flows a river that, at least during our stay, looked more like Ganges than a european river.

On our way to the house we stopped at the local super market and had our first encounter with the freakishly high Swiss prices as well as the Swiss language. I thought the cashier was either A) insulting me or B) asking me something about the suff I wanted to purchase. It turned out that the right alternative was alternative C), she was saying hi and I felt like an idiot right away.

The house he lives in is located about five minutes by foot from the Adliswil trainstation. It's a nice four-storey house and he had the top/attic floor to himself. He also had a bathroom with a glass door which offered you a nice view of the toilet within.

Our plan was to get drunk that night but it didn't go that well. CP and I were both very tired and for the most parts of the evening the three of us slept in shifts. We only had one mattress though, so I had to share bed and blanket with Kristoffer. It was nicer than you'd think.

This was also the night we first experienced what would become a reoccuring event every night: CP's snoring. Snoring is really a to nice word. This would hit top positions on the Richter scale. We started our counter attacs on a friendly level by throwing some clothes at him but then we had to use the big artillery. What eventuelly succeeded was a cardboard box in the head and we could all get some well deserved rest.

Saturday

Part I

Saturday spawned a new tradition for us: the McDonald's breakfast. It was eaten in an McD restaurant in the Zürich city center, right next to the Hauptbanhof. I later had a couple of memorable moments there. Meals at McDonald's were also very expensive but we had to have our nutricious breakfast so we really didn't have much choice.

After McDonald's we went up to the old parts of the city as Cp had to buy a new thingie for his lip piercing. We found the place we were looking for and Cp bought a really expencive ring that he ended up not using. Which is pretty much the story of his life.

On our way back to the Hauptbanhof we stopped at Starbuck's as cp and I wanted a taste of american culture. We ordered one small latte each and waited. After a short while one of the waitresses came out, looked at me and said something about latte. I said yes and walked up an grabbed it. It didn't take a long time before I got a little suspicious. Why was that guy still waiting over there? What kind of super coffee had he ordered? Why did the people behind the counter look at me and laugh? And why the hell did it take so long to finish Cp's small latte?

All the pieces came together when Cp got his papermug. It was about half the size of mine. My reaction was the same as anyone's would be. I said "let's get out of here" and we left in a hurry. This was embaressment number two so far, but this one did get me a large cup of really good coffee at a cheap price so I guess it's okay after all. Do I have to add that we never went back there?

Part II

When we got back to the house I relaxed by the computer while Cp started to shave Kristoffer. The outcome was actually a lot better than what the previous image might imply.

Then it was time for another sleeping session before we begun the preparations for the girls arrival. These preparations consisted mostly of getting boozed up and we were all more or less successful. They came and we drank even more. I don't know if it really qualifies as a party but this is what it looked like.

At around eleven we left for the city and a little bar/nightclub. I don't really remeber what happened there except that I didn't enjoy it very much. Eventually we decided to crash at Jennie's place that night as that was closer. On the way there we passed McDonald's.

Now I admit that I may have splashed some water on him. But that push was uncalled for! Here's what happened.

This guy I know, we can call him KS, pushed me into the restaurant. The floor in there was really slippery and I started sliding and sliding and... Well, I've never been much of a skater so I guess the outcome of this little excersise was pretty obvious. I crashed and I crashed hard, breaking my arm and the umbrella I held. I didn't know it was broken though (the arm that is), so I didn't get it plastered until I got home to Sweden.

Part III

We got to Jennie's place and I crashed on one of the mattresses on the floor. My arm hurt like hell but that didn't stop a hysterical Norwegian feeglelike person to pull it while my good and loyal friend Cp sat beside me laughing like hell. Thanks bro. Eventually Crazy-Norwegian-Girl shifted her attention to Cp and as I fell into the land of slumber they were talking next to me.

I woke up to the wet sounds of make out and groping coming from the mattress next to mine. I frooze, paniced and decided to kill that little bastard (Cp) as soon as we got out of this nut-house. But as I was lying there, concentrating on dying, I heared Crazy-Norwegian-Girl's voice out in the hallway. Who the hell was Cp making out with? But then it got even more strange: I heared Cp's voice out there as well. Who the hell was lying next to me?

All off a sudden the door opened, Crazy-Norwegian-Girl started yelling at the sexual molesters (yes, I felt sexually molested even though no-one groped me (why didn't anyone grope me!?)), then stole my blanket and rushed out of the room. This was the opportunity I had waited for so I jumped up and ran out after her. When I came out Cp was lying on the floor out there and Crazy-Norwegian-Girl was talking Crazy-Norwegian-On-Speed, which is impossible to understand. I sat down on the floor and thanked God I had been saved while my body was shaking from the memories of that horrible experience.

It turned out that the gropers were one of the au pairs that had been with us out in Adliswil and some Swiss guy she had met in the bar. Cp and I didn't really like her after that...

Eventually they finished in there, we went back in, I slept on the couch, Crazy-Norwegian-Girl jumped on my head, we had to leave the room again because of sexual activity and then we left.

Sunday-Thursday

Not much happened on the last days of our trip. We went to see The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen once and American Wedding twice. We also got a cultural alibi one day as we went sight-seeing in two churches one of which had a high tower that you could climb to get a great view of the city. Regretfully we didn't visit one of Zürichs many strip clubs either. We flew home on Thursday morning and arrived in Kalmar exactly one week after we'd left.

Exciting huh?

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